What is a “Blended Family” Anyway?

When we say “blended family,” what do we mean? In plain terms, a blended family (also called a stepfamily) is created when two people come together in marriage or partnership and bring children from previous relationships into a new family unit. Sometimes new children are also born into the marriage or relationship, and all of those different stories, histories, and personalities are blended together under one roof.

In our case, Ty and I both brought children from previous relationships — Ty had been married once before, and I was raising my firstborn son as a single mom. (See our blended family wedding pic as proof! Smile)

That’s the “technical” definition. But for us, it’s more than that. A blended family is a group of people who may not share the same bloodline but are learning to share life, love, and legacy together. It’s not always easy, and it doesn’t always look neat. There are challenges, adjustments, and sometimes real hurt to work through — but there’s also the potential for incredible growth, healing, and unity.

From the very beginning of our blending, we didn’t use clarifying terms like “bonus mom” or “stepdad” — despite how fast (and yes, unusual!) our family came together when we met and married in less than 90 days. Right, wrong, or indifferent, we jumped in as if we were a “traditional” family. From day one, we said, these are my kids (whether biological or bonus), and all of our children called us mom and dad. Looking back, we realize that may not have been the best approach for them. Hindsight is 20/20, and we now understand we should have honored their emotions by asking their preference at the time. That’s a whole conversation — and one of the things we talk about openly on our podcast — because like many new blended families, we simply didn’t know what we didn’t know.

When we do want or need to clarify that our family is blended, we use terms like bonus mom, bonus dad, bonus son, and bonus daughter instead of “step.” Why? Because bonus carries a positive connotation. A step might sound like something extra you trip over, but a bonus is a gift — an addition, something that enriches your life. That’s how we’ve chosen to frame it in our family, and it’s the language we use here at Blended Family Matters Academy.

At the end of the day, whether you call it blended or step, what matters most is the love, faith, forgiveness, and commitment it takes to make a family thrive. We believe that with God’s grace and intentional effort, any family — no matter how it began — can grow into something whole, bonded, and lasting.